Tired of reminding, arguing, cajoling, correcting, reminding, arguing…
If you have a school-age child, the odds are you’ve spent many nights repeating this cycle with your tween or teen.
Sadly, it is nearly universal that kids today do not like doing homework. And a good portion of that lies in how teachers view, assign, and use homework in their classes (a topic for another day). Nonetheless, it is a fact of life – almost right up there with death and taxes – your kids will have to deal with homework whether they like it or not.
So, how do you win the daily homework battles, and the war, and re-establish peace in your home? First, consider this: if you want different output for your kids, you’ve got to change your input. Here’s how.
CHANGE THE VIEWING
Think of it as schoolwork, not homework. And call it what it is. It’s work that is expected to be completed for school. It is a part of their teacher’s expectations – a continuation of the coursework that needs to be done each day in order to learn the material and receive a passing grade that in turn will open up doors of opportunity for your child’s future. That’s the WHAT and the WHY of it.
Explain this reality to your children. Adjust yours and your child’s expectations about how long the school day is. Your child might say “6 hours” or “8 periods” long. Wrong! Enlighten your child to the new understanding – it’s “7 hours” or “9 periods” long – because it (almost) always includes that extra hour or so of course work each evening. Just the campus location has changed, but not the expectation that they will attend and participate in the entire school day – including mandatory “9th period” study hall!
Acknowledge that they may at times feel like the schoolwork is pointless, or at best sheer drudgery. Simultaneously acknowledge that life is full of needing to do things that may not seem so important or fun (eg., taking out the trash), but we do them for the greater good anyway. Period. Be matter of fact about it. It needs to be done. It’s going to be done. It’s just a matter of HOW.
Then go ahead and dare your child – and yourself – to make it fun and interesting anyway. Relate it to some personal examples or experiences. Be curious, ask questions, explore possibilities. Generate hypotheses about the schoolwork material. Imagine ways this information could possibly come in handy – if not to your child right now, then to whom? When? Where? Why? It does have some meaning and relevance – find it. Celebrate it. If you really can’t, talk to the teacher about how to make the homework (ahem, schoolwork) more meaningful for your child.
CHANGE THE DOING
Now let’s move on to more practical matters of HOW to get the schoolwork done more efficiently – which means both quickly and accurately.
First, schedule daily “9th period” schoolwork sessions. Call them classes or appointments, and schedule them like you do any other appointments into your weekly planner. Every Sunday, sit down with your child for 15-20 minutes, clean out the backpack, notebooks, and homework folder from the previous week. Now plan the upcoming week – look at what’s on the family calendar, and schedule the “study hall” classes just like you do soccer practice or dance lessons.
These are mandatory classes, just like during the first 8 periods of the day. You’re child is not permitted to skip class, at school or at home. You’re making it more objective, less ambiguous, and less likely to be avoided, forgotten, or argued about (successfully, anyway!). It’s not a matter of if the child will do his homework, it’s a matter of when and how.
Always keep the appointment, whether your child says they have anything due the next day or not. There is always something to do to improve – review notes or chapter material, clean out notebooks, prep for an upcoming test or project. And if all else fails, there is quiet reading time – text, novel, magazine, whatever. There’s always something to learn! When you expect and reinforce a regular work ethic in your child, he or she will soon develop one.
Now, when it comes to scheduling the study sessions, let the kids have some say. Empower them to make a decision and commitment to their study time. Ask them what works best for them? They can pick the half-hour or 45-minute or hour-long study session appointment time (depends on child’s age and attention span), within your limits (eg., not right before bedtime).
Then each day when they get home, kindly remind them of when their study period or appointment is that day. Don’t discuss, debate, fret, nag about homework any other time. When it’s not study time, there’s no focusing on or worrying about or arguing about home-work. Enjoy home-play, home-fun, home-life, instead!
At the appointed time (set watch or phone alarms if needed), call your child to his best study place (again, let him have some say here – where do you think you can focus and get your work done most quickly and accurately…?). Make sure your child comes to the table, literally or figuratively, just like you would if it were meal time or time to get in the car to go to any other appointment.
And here’s a super important tip. NEVER ask your child “Do you have any homework?” If you ask this simple yes-or-no question, you are almost begging your child to forget, lie, or blow off his homework. I mean, really, what kid wouldn’t just shake his head no, if he knew that was an instant ticket to freedom for the rest of the evening?! Instead, ask your child ‘What school work do you have tonight?” Always assume that there is homework, and you’re just interested in what’s on the plate for tonight.
Even better, start each study session with “Show me what work you have to do tonight.” Spend a few minutes previewing the work, setting the child up for success, encouraging them to get started, and offering any help they may like. Be available, working quietly on something nearby. Let your child know you’re available to help them if they want it or need it. Do not force and micromanage. Do not abandon or leave unsupervised. Keep one eye and ear on your child, and be there as a monitor and safety net.
Set a timer for the period. With the timer or yourself, provide a 10-minute warning, to help them focus on wrapping up and ending the session. Your child learns how to complete a test at school within the allotted time allowed because he knows the teacher is going to collect the papers at the end of the period. This forces kids to focus more intently on getting it all done in a specific period of time. I encourage you to set the same expectations for your child with homework. In this way, you can shape their behavior towards being more efficient and productive, rather than dragging out homework all night due to dawdling, daydreaming, bathroom breaks, snack breaks, pencil-sharpening breaks, etc. And it decreases the wear and tear on both parents and kids. It makes homework less aversive, because it doesn’t feel like it’s hanging over your heads all night long.
At the end of the period, come in and wrap up with your child with this prompt, “Tell/show me what you did.” Review the child’s work briefly to see that they made an honest effort. Encourage and praise your child for the work they did do. Do not grade, criticize, or correct the work – that’s the teacher’s job! Better to ask your child, would you like my help proof-reading or math-checking your work here? Empower the child to take responsibility for getting it done better, if need be, and offer your assistance, but don’t compel the child to do it your way.
Again, usually it’s the teacher’s job to provide corrective feedback on the work product. If your child is having lots of problems with accuracy, you will need to talk this through more with your child and the teacher, and come up with a more refined plan, but generally don’t create more battles over nitpicking, unless the child wants that level of help.
After “9th period study hall” ends, celebrate the official end of the school day with a relaxing, fun activity or treats, and return to enjoying your home life together.
For more details on this approach, look for my upcoming coaching program on completing the 5-Step Homework Loop, with schoolwork checklists and templates for parents, teachers, and students. Email me if you’re interested in copies of this program, or would like a live seminar for teachers and/or parents about successful homework routines for kids today. For more information, email Support@KidstepCoaching.com.
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