There can be many frustrations for students and teachers when a child has significant deficits in the brain’s ability to inhibit impulses (delay gratification) and sustain attention (stay focused and follow through on tasks). For many kids with ADHD or other Executive Function Deficits, this is exactly the problem – being able to internally control one’s actions – consistently and independently. They can do it sometimes, but not all the time. And that can make parents, teachers, and kids crazy. How to minimize the wear and tear of daily life with ADHD, and maximize the child’s chance for success?
The first few steps involve adjusting your mindset. As the responsible adult, your attitude and orientation to the child will go a long way to helping them manage this condition. Without a positive mindset, all the well-researched and clever behavior modification techniques in the world won’t amount to a hill of beans.
1. Start with an Empathic Understanding. Realize that this is a very real, albeit invisible, neurological disability. With a disability perspective, we can regain a sense of compassion and empathy for the child’s daily struggles. Doing so, we can more easily forgive the child, and ourselves, for not always being perfect. And this will free up energy that we’ll need to deal with the very real behavioral challenges that result from executive function deficits.
2. Recognize Strengths and Weaknesses. Recognize that kids with ADHD are not solely defined by that condition, any more than a child with diabetes is solely a diabetic. Each child also has a unique set of other personality characteristics – both strengths and weaknesses that need to be taken into account. Does the child have a high IQ or generally smart problem-solving abilities. If so, this can obviously be an asset that can be put to good use. But it can also be a liability if we then expect the child to consistently show their bright mental abilities all the time – that’s not going to happen with ADHD. Does the child also have significant anxiety that affects their functioning? Is there some major family or environmental stress affecting performance? Maybe the child is also oppositional and defiant or irritable and depressed? Is the child socially precocious and pre-occupied (the “social butterfly”) or socially immature and odd (the “class clown”)? Each of these will affect the exact nature of how we prepare a successful support program for a particular student.
3. Stop saying “He’s capable, but…”. Rather than thinking and asking, “Is he capable?” it is much more useful to consider “How is he capable?” Focus on when he is MORE capable and when he is LESS capable. That is, carefully consider “Under what circumstances does this student show his best behaviors and under what circumstances does he show his worst behaviors?” Then, let’s follow that starting point to grow the positive times (recognize, praise, celebrate, and replicate them!) and shrink the negative times (define, ignore, punish, and replace them!).
4. Accept Our Own Limitations. In any given situation, there are always things you can control, and things you can’t control. If we spend all our time thinking about, worrying about, and talking to colleagues, friends, or anyone who will listen about all the negative problems that are so frustrating because they’re beyond our control, we diminish our own power. Same circumstance, but you focus on the parts you can control, then you feel more positive and empowered, and you are spending your energy far more productively. Do what you can, earnestly and full-heartedly, and let go of the rest.
Remember, we can only set up the situation with more or less effective expectations, and follow through with more or less effective consequences. We cannot totally control the student or MAKE him/her behave a certain way. The child always has a choice. When we remove our need to totally control the child or the situation, we release added pressure that is counterproductive.
Next week, we will address how to assess the situation accurately, so you can set up your ADHD behavior management plan for success. The foundation of this house, however, begins with a positive and realistic mindset. Let’s make sure our foundation is rock solid before proceeding.
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