“Racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts, yucky thoughts galore,
Go away, leave me be, yucky thoughts no more!”
Sometimes children are haunted by worrisome thoughts that intrude into their daily lives without warning. These thoughts may be worries about realistic concerns such as family fighting, impending divorce, an upcoming move, or academic failures. Sometimes these thoughts grow, like a rolling snowball, ever larger until the imagination transforms them into monstrous worries that distort reality. When children have these obsessive worries, they may act out to try to rid themselves of their “bad brain” thoughts, or they may quietly suffer the imaginary battle waging inside their head. Either way, children are often afraid and embarrassed to tell anybody. What to do?
First, let the child know that it’s okay to talk about their thoughts and worries. Be clear that the child is not bad for having these thoughts, and that the worrisome thoughts can be made to go away. Separate out the “good thoughts” from the “bad thoughts” that are bothering them. Give the “bad thoughts” a name, shape, or identity (such as a bothersome bug), and prepare the child to do battle with the enemy (“we’ll work together to keep squashing that darned worry bug!”). Always reassure the child that you love them, you’ll be there to help, and that these worries always do go away eventually.
Second, provide the child with a few tools to use to beat back those nasty thought bugs. Get the child to visualize a stop sign that they can suddenly flash in front of any bothersome thoughts or images. Have the child clearly picture the stop sign, its size and color, so they can focus their minds on that image coming between them and their worries. As they focus on the stop sign, which should bring the racing thoughts to a halt, have them picture themselves as the director of a play, shouting “Stop!” to the intrusive thoughts or images.
Third, use a magic box to trap the bother bugs or a bug spray that makes them go away. Some kids like trapping the bugs or images in a big tractor trailer box, locked up, which then hauls the mess away. Enlist the child’s vivid imagination to picture successfully doing this, and have some practice sessions where you get silly imagining hauling different problems away.
Fourth, end this adventure with some relaxation exercises. Encourage the child to lay back with their hands on their belly. Imagine a balloon (of whatever color or design the child likes) inside the belly. Now, with slow deep breaths, concentrate on filling that belly balloon with air and watching the hands rise up on the stomach. Use “4×4 breathing” where you count to four slowly on the in-breath, hold it one count, then count to four slowly on the out-breath. Complete this exercise 3-4 times, focusing solely on the sights, sounds, and feelings of breath filling and emptying out of the balloon. Relax, relax, relax.
Finally, redirect the child to get up and go play a fun activity, preferably with you or another person to keep them engaged. Enjoy the moment. Sure, the worry bugs may come back again, but you and your child will be ready! Repeat as needed. See a professional for assistance if worries continue with greater frequency or intensity.
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