I remember vividly one day when I was a young boy, during catechism class when the stern, habit-headed nun asked us, “What day is Thanksgiving?” – referring to the upcoming holiday. Hands flew up, and everybody took a guess, “November 24th,” “Next Thursday,” “November 30th,” “the third Thursday of November – no, the fourth.” After numerous guesses fell short of our teacher’s expectations, a little light went off in my head, and I tentatively raised my hand one more time. “Every day,” I said simply.
I can still picture the beaming smile on her face, as she replied, “Yes, indeed. Every day is for Thanksgiving.” And I’ve never forgotten that lesson.
Yet how do we apply it during the hustle and bustle of everyday life, when we get so busy and stressed? How do we keep that simple truth alive and well, especially during the holiday season when our regular to-do list doubles in size with extra shopping, cooking, cleaning, and entertaining?
How do we truly experience “Joy to the World” when we’re ready to pull our hair out after hearing that song for the one millionth time, and it’s only the second week of December? Here are a few friendly reminders on how to keep the spirit of the holiday season alive and well for you and your children.
Ask yourself “Why?” Stop and catch yourself – at the beginning of the month, the week, the day, and throughout each day. “What am I doing? What choice am I making right now with my limited time/energy/money? And why? Why am I doing this?”
Remind yourself of the REASON for the SEASON. Whatever your particular creed or beliefs – it is a time for celebrating humankind with renewed love, light, and hope. It’s a time for being thankful for the gifts OF family and friends, not just FROM them. When you recenter your thoughts on what is most important to you about this holiday season, then you can commit yourself to consciously putting those priorities into practice.
If you’re baking extra breads or cookies, is it a burdensome chore because you have to, you feel you should, or it’s just always been done that way? Or are you doing it because you want to, you choose to? Your frame of mind here goes a long way to defining how you and your children will experience this activity.
If you know your children really enjoy that tradition, and you’re looking forward to giving them that gift of love, and you love the warm, fresh smells that remind you fondly of holidays past, then go for it. Remind yourself this is why you’re doing it, and you’ll appreciate the fun of making yummy treats as well as memories for your own kids.
Clarify expectations and accept limitations. Know that if you make the choice for extra cookie baking, you won’t necessarily have time for all the holiday movies you were hoping to watch. Set realistic expectations that don’t include notions of perfection.
Be clear that this is a season for giving, sharing, and celebrating LOVE with one another, not just THINGS. And that means giving up some of our own wants to share in other’s pleasures as well.
Make a list of your top 3-5 wishes for a fun, stress-less holiday. Have everyone in the family make their own list, with the clear understanding that you will do some of what each person wants, but not be able to do it all. Compare wish lists and agree to choose 1 or 2 from each person’s list. Schedule 1 or 2 time blocks each week for the month of December, when everyone agrees they’re going to do a designated family activity. Rotate who’s turn it is, and do something from that family member’s list.
Remind yourself and your children that gifts come in many different sizes and shapes. Play a game of mindfully appreciating and speaking about one gift that you received and one that you gave each day of the month. Gifts may come as material things, yes, including the things we take for granted – the clothes on our back, our daily food, a cup of coffee, some fresh cut flowers for the kitchen table, a gallon of gas for the car that took us to the Christmas Concert.
Yet gifts, often the best ones, also come in the form of shared belongings, compliments, time, activity, or service. Help your children open their eyes and ears and hearts to this reality. Help them make conscious choices about what they are grateful for each day and willing to give of themselves each day. Small rituals, like a morning family reflection or an evening review of “gifts received and given today” that take just 5 minutes can offer enormous rejuvenation in the middle of daily strife and stress.
If you’re really into it, have your kids write one of these reflections on paper cut-out decorations – stars or bells or whatever, colored to desire, and hang daily on a little “Gratitude and Giving” tree. (After the holiday, you can collect these into a small box or file labeled with the year, and turn this into a rich accumulation of blessings over the years!)
With your children, decorate and fill shoe-box care packages for children in an orphanage or soldiers overseas or the elderly in a nursing home. Write little hand-written notes about a wish you have for that anonymous person in the coming year.
Ask your children to collect 3 of their toys (in good shape and cleaned) that they’re willing to give away to other children who aren’t as fortunate as they are, and donate them to an abuse shelter or homeless shelter. This teaches that in order to make room to receive, literally, we need to be able to give as well.
Don’t over do it. Pick one of these things each week perhaps, and do it whole-heartedly. Enjoy the anticipatory excitement, the momentary experience, and the fond memories. Make mindful choices about what brings you and your children the greatest joy, and become fully engaged in that activity – as exhilarating or restful as it may be.
Just give yourself to it fully, and in so doing, you’ll receive the greatest gift of all.
Comments on this entry are closed.